It's officially offical! :)

On Friday I got an email that my plane ticket was being processed. I will be leaving on October 26th to return to Namibia. I'll get there on the 28th of October. I'll be there for 6 1/2 months, returning home on May 14th. Having my tickets makes everything seem so much more real! I am so excited to see my kids again! :)

It's always worth it.

I've been attempting to start this bog for quite a while now, but I haven't been able to really write what I want to say. I spoke at a church in my home town on Sunday and I think that my notes from a couple of days ago are exactly what I've been trying to put into words. I apologize ahead of time for how long it is. :)

        Last summer I had the privilege of spending two and a half months at Children of Zion Village in Katima Mulilo, Namibia, Africa. Children of Zion is a children’s home where they are provided with a safe place to live, food and medical care, and are given the opportunity to attend school.

        While I was at Children of Zion I worked a lot with the younger children. I often taught preschool in the mornings and would spend many afternoons and evenings taking the children on walks, helping them with their homework and playing games with them. My main responsibility was the medicine room, which was a bit of a challenge at first because I knew very little about medicine and get queasy at the sight of blood (or at least I did when I first arrived at COZV). I  took care of the children that were sick, and took children to see the doctors. I also helped with random tasks; working in the pantry, driving children to various activities, and whatever else needed to be done. More than anything I loved just spending time with the kids and getting to know them.

        A couple of days ago I was reading through my old journal entries as I was trying to figure out what exactly I wanted to talk about today. I found an entry that I wrote shortly after I returned from Children of Zion that I want to share with you.

        “Easy. That’s definitely not a word that I would use to describe my time in Africa. I was halfway around the world, without my family, without my friends. I came to Namibia not knowing anyone or having much of an idea of what I would be doing during my time there. Africa is a continent that is filled with sickness and death. Some of the children that I worked with were HIV positive, some had TB, and some had plain old colds. Much of my time was spent in the hospital where I was surrounded by people who were much worse off than my kids. It wasn’t uncommon for people to ask the director to drive a body to a funeral; many of those funerals were for young children. I had my closest encounter with death in a village two hours outside of Katima. Sometimes I can still picture the woman laying there under a metal roof in the hot sun, covered with blankets and flies. I’m haunted by the memories of watching her relatives try everything that they could think of just to wake her up to give her medicine. Medicine that probably wouldn’t even help her.

        Living in such a small community as I did was a challenge. Sometimes I felt like I could never get away from people, I cherished the times that I had to myself; the times in which I knew that I wouldn’t be interrupted. There were disagreements; between me and the children and me and the staff. It’s bound to happen living in such a close community and I’m sometimes surprised that it didn’t happen more often. I knew so little about the culture. There were days that I hated being there; that I couldn’t wait to leave. There were many times that I was uncomfortable, I was confused, everything was so new and different.

        Easy is a word that I would never use to describe my time in Namibia.

        It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. I am so thankful for my experiences in Katima and the relationships that I built while I was there. I wouldn’t ever take back the time that I spent there.

        During my time at COZV I claimed 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 as my theme verses: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. “

        I knew that things were not always going to be easy, but I also knew that God would be with me every step of the way. In my moments of confusion, of sadness, of frustration and longing for familiarity, God was there. He was the strength that was getting me through. He was sending the constant reminders of His love and His provision.

        It was in those times that he would send the helpful women who showed me what to do at the hospital, the doctors who joked with the kids and answered my millions of ridiculous questions, the kindness of Auntie Sophia and Auntie Patricia. When I needed it the most he would send Josiah running across the room screaming “Auntie!” as he jumped into my arms. He gave me Dorothy and Mona and Lisedi when I felt so alone and was missing the closeness of friends and people to have good conversations with. God gave me hugs and smiles and pictures and simple, yet huge, reminders that He had everything under control.

        I knew that when I left COZV I wanted to return. It didn’t seem possible to me though. When would I do it? I had other things planned for my return; grad school, hopefully finding a real teaching job, things that I wanted to become involved in. But those things don’t seem as important to me anymore. Now I find myself thinking about the 59 amazing children that I left behind. I miss them, I worry about them, I want more than anything to spend time with them again and to let them know how much I love them and how much they mean to me.”

        I wrote that journal entry only days after I realized that God was calling me to return to Children of Zion. I had a lot of plans for what I thought I wanted to do when I returned from Africa, but thankfully God has much bigger and better plans for my life. On October 26^th I will be returning to Namibia to serve at Children of Zion for six and a half months.

        The time that I spent in Namibia changed my life. God taught me what it meant to love unconditionally. The children that I worked with have gone through many heartbreaks in their lives, many of them have experienced things that we couldn’t even begin to understand. Many of them were hesitant to open up to me and let me into their lives. They eventually did, but it took time and a lot of patience on my part. I learned the importance of loving, even if that love isn’t always returned right away. 

        I also gained a better understanding of what it means to trust in God and in His provision. Living in a different culture and being without my friends and family was hard. But God gave me the strength that I needed. Joshua 1:9 says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” God was with me through everything while I was in Namibia. Not just the good times, but the difficult and frustrating times, too. And He’s going to be with me as I return in October.

        God has continued to give me constant reminders of His provision and His plan for my life over the past couple of months as I have been raising support and preparing to return to Africa. There are still times that I doubt and I worry about returning; about raising the funds that I need, about being gone for a longer period of time. But through those times I have continued to trust in God’s perfect plan. I may not always understand why He is calling me to go back to Children of Zion, but I am confident that He will reveal that to me in His time.

        I am beyond excited to be back with my kids; to see them, and hug them, and spend time with them. I can’t wait to continue to learn more about them and see how my relationships with them grow. And I’m so excited to see how God is going to continue to work in and through my life while I am with them again.

        In the last paragraph of the journal entry that I read you I wrote, “I never really imagined that God would call me back there so soon. But He has. There’s more that He wants to do through me. I have no idea what those things are, but I know that He’ll show me in His time. And I know that once again it won’t always be easy, but you better believe that it will be worth it.”

        God’s plan is always worth it.